How many times this week have you felt compelled to prove that you're RIGHT?
It’s a thought-provoking question that resonates with many of us in various contexts, be that personal relationships, professional environments, or even casual conversations. The need to be right is rooted in an instinctive drive for both validation and understanding from others and plays to our innate need to be seen in a positive light.
That's why it can be particularly challenging to listen to the views of others, especially when we perceive them as skeptical of or at loggerheads with our own ideas or opinions.
When we feel that weight of scrutiny, it prompts us to articulate our reasoning even more clearly and passionately, justifying the rationale behind our position, providing data, giving examples, or sharing experiences to support our viewpoint. The process of justifying our ideas can be enlightening - and it can also be exhausting; forcing us to critically evaluate our own beliefs while simultaneously attempting to persuade others.
That critical evaulation of our own beliefs is the hard bit. For some, the idea of winning the point is more important than learning something new about someone or something or developing a better understanding of themselves. The need to be right eclipses everything else.
Context has an important part to play here. Are you prepared to consider - and act upon - someone else's viewpoint at work only to be intractable with your partner, children or parents? Perhaps you're more competitive about being right with one sibling or friend than you are with another?
What we tell ourselves
The most common explanation we give to ourselves about the need to justify, explain and defend our viewpoint is because we ARE right! Why would we admit we're wrong when we're not? There are going to be occasions when conceding a point seems like the best option e.g. when a situation has become overheated, we've reached an impasse or we're tired and don't trust ourselves to say things in a calm and respectful way.
Single incidents aren't the issue here. But if you are noticing that the other person/people are ALWAYS wrong and you are ALWAYS right, there may be something else going on. If you have developed an unshakeable belief that your view is the only show in town, it may be time for some reflection.
Powerful self-interest
There are cases when there's a strong incentive to continue to profess to being right, even in the face of contrary evidence. An admission of error could have grave consequences for reputation and/or income resulting in censure (legal and/or financial) or termination (of employment, memberships or relationships).
But there may be another reason for refusing to accept our own capacity for error - and that's a misguided form of pride. Someone who insists they are right, irrespective of evidence, may be at risk of HAVING to be right, because the consequences of not being are inconceivable.
The thing is, we can't fend off a blow to our pride by refusing to admit that it landed. We can't make others believe that we are right merely by insisting that we are. What the other people will see is someone unable to admit a mistake and that will undoubtedly affect their view of us, and it's unlikely to be in a positive way.
So, going full circle - how helpful is our inability to admit to being wrong at times? Our inflexibility may undermine the very thing we are trying to achieve by insisting on being right - and that's being positively regarded by others.
There is profound vulnerabiity behind the façade of invincibility and that could be why we go to such lengths to conceal it. The problem is that, in doing so, we end up alienating ourselves from the very people we want to be close to.
So the next time you feel the urge to convince someone of how right you are, ask yourself: what's the cost to you? What are you sacrificing at the altar of righteousness?
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